Trust Betrayed
A young man, Tim, sought help because the woman he loved betrayed his trust (let’s call her Phoebe). She left town to spend some time with her ailing mother. While away she met someone new and started a relationship. She maintained the illusion that she was loyal to Tim during daily phone calls and over one long weekend together. It was only after Tim called one night after the long weekend and talked to Phoebe’s brother that he learned that he had been mislead. Phoebe’s brother told Tim that she had been spending a lot of time with someone else and that he did not want to see Tim hurt. They had met only over the long weekend but Phoebe’s brother had appreciated how Tim treated his sister and instinctively liked him.
Phoebe insisted that nothing was going on with her new friend when she later spoke with Tim. Even three weeks later when she returned from spending time away, Phoebe insisted that she was only “friends” with the other man. Her insistence was in spite of the fact that she was not interested in being physically intimate with Tim any more, the fact that she no longer spent much time with Tim, and the fact that she planned to have her new friend come to visit her. Part of what drove Tim crazy is that Phoebe would not admit that she had moved on emotionally. He was prepared to make peace with Phoebe and move on himself but her denial of a change in the status of their relationship confused and angered him.
With guidance, Tim focused on the type of things you can read about in the book: Self Help In Sight. He made the effort to take care of himself despite not feeling up to it, he started to reaffirm his sense of self, and he started to view her as making a mistake in not valuing him more. He did not focus on why she had done what she had done, how it may have been a symptom of her fear of getting closer. While interesting, such thoughts did nothing to move him toward greater peace of mind or health. He also start to imagine a healthier relationship with someone new, a relationship where the other person would be trustworthy.
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