Who Needs Relationship Self-Help?
Most of my adult life, I have wondered why schools at all levels do not provide courses on relationships. After all, relationships are more important in the average person’s life than knowing how to spell or add or distinguish between a mammal and an amphibian. I know I’ve struggled with relationships, both how to initiate them and how to sustain them.
A person I know recently wrote me, that he took thirty years to recover for a “lost love” and though he is happy now in a relationship, he feels he wasted a lot of years “holding on” when he should have been “moving on.”
One could argue that schools are not set up to teach about relationships. That parents are the best people to teach their children about relationships. Or, that we don’t know enough about healthy relationships to teach anyone anything useful.
These arguments don’t hold much weight.
It is true that schools have been asked to take on more and more of what used to be taught at home or on the street. Sex education comes immediately to mind, but teaching about conflict resolution and diet has also become relatively common.
Parents clearly are not the best people to teach their children about relationships since failed and failing relationships are common among all who can be labeled parents. Perhaps, it is just that we don’t know enough about what a healthy relationship looks like.
Now, I am not saying that this blog or the associated book are the final word on healthy relationships. I hope they make a contribution but there is more to learn than what is presented here.
At the same time, there are some relationship basics that, if learned, can help anyone form more successful relationships.
The key is to be willing to learn, to be willing to think you will benefit from self-help. Do not assume like our school system seems to, that relating in a healthy manner comes naturally. There are things you can do without much instruction and a little practice (breathe, walk, digest food, heal a wound, etc.). Relating well to others and forming healthy connections is not one of these things that come naturally.
So, to answer the question proposed in the title of the post – most anyone could benefit from relationship self-help, provided he or she does not think relationships should come naturally or there is nothing to learn.
It will never cease to amaze me how little attention is formally given to getting better at relating to others. I wonder what the world would be like if everyone had to take a class on relationship basics before graduating high school. I am confident the world would be different!
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